I have to..

Okay now i am here to just seek for your forgiveness if there's anything i did wrong or my words that might hurt you, I AM SORRY. & now, i just don't know what to do, what's going to happens next. i try to treat people nicely & equally but i don't know why is all this happened to me. maybe i am giving too many chances -.-

i think all this while i am in the wrong place of placing myself perfectly around others,
until they all get mess-up
i am in the wrong position of making people's day, not in the right time,
i am too forcing someone to be by my side,
i am too harsh of treating people,
i treat people by my mood,
i don't treat them nicely,
i don't think before i act,
sometimes i make others feel so uncomfortable,
i said what i want, i do what i want until i forget about taking care of what others might feel,
i didn't mean to. I AM SORRY.

if to you i did nothing, or you have already forget about it, but i am still wrong.
i am sorry about making you sad,
i am sorry about making you angry,
i am sorry about making your days bad,
i am sorry if i did take advantages on you,
i am sorry for letting you down in any ways which i didn't realized,
i am sorry for being stupid,
i am sorry for not being a good friend of yours,
i am sorry i can't be a perfect person of yours,
i did a lot of mistakes,
i know.

& i think, now, it is time for me to change, change everything,
i have to fix all the mess up that is me,
i have to learn from my past,
i have to take this as a lesson,
i really have to change, yes, it is the time :)


*& for _____ who did ask me to throw away any feelings towards you (well you know -.-) , don't worry, I WILL :) i know you might feel uncomfortable with me, or i am just making a mess in your life, I AM SO SO SORRY, i didn't mean to but i'll leave you, i'll sets you free, you can do what you want, you can go where you want, it is your life isn't it? don't worry :)
well, it is my mistakes for loving you, SORRY AGAIN. have a wonderful day, take care ;)

end '09

I am still not ready to leave this year, 2009. & if possible, i don't want this year to end, i don't want this year to go, i want to re-start this year, may i? *sigh* I have been through a lot of things in this year, taught me a lot of new things, about how to choose a good better friends ever, how to differentiate between good & bad, how to be more independent, more mature without thinking about others might said. but in this situation, i am still don't know what am i did wrong because people never stop talking bad about me, about who am i being friends with. but i don't care about what they will say or might just accusing me without knowing anything, well that's we call 'mulut orang' -.-

People loveeeeee to judge other people, meanwhile they don't even know what they did, what they said that might just letting other people or even us put a judge back on them. well, let's just put this aside. this topic is just boring & lame somehow HA-HA.

Okay so, in this year, i admit that i am a bit wilder than before, but i am still know how to control myself & not getting involve in such things that i did before or maybe just more bad. *i hope not! well i think you don't have to know HAHA :P hm i don't know how am i getting to stand on my own feet, leading my own life without someone that i can rely on, best friends beside me, standing tall together, been through good & bad moments together, i mean, they are just so nice to me. i don't know how to repay back all their kindness towards me. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FRIENDS :) i don't even want to lose them. friends are hard to find, maybe it is easy for you to say, but for me, true friends are really hard to find, really hard to replace. even ONE -.-'
but i need to realize that takkan forever aku nak bergantung hidup dengan orang kan? but let's just give me some time, some space to move on & facing all things in my life that will coming to show up.

maybe some other day, perhaps. but i think not now, for sure ;) i really need someone to rely on right now. i am not ready at all :) sorry

thank you for reading this boring blog -____-' byeee