people

here's a thing, i don't understand why some people never end-up making stories about people which is not true. it is nice? NO, it isn't. no matter about the hot-hot-thing, sexy-sexy-thing or whatever, it is still not interesting. i don't know why some of 'em are making up stories about people, especially bout things which do not/even exist. some of 'em are judging people but they don't even realize that they were also in the same position/situation like the people that they are throwing judgments everydayy. plus, people used to talk nonsense about things which they do not know about the truth. rubbish -.-
they simply say, they simply judge. come on, don't be a rubbish maker. these people are just a mess! things you judge people, that judgment is also for you. sometimes you don't realize what you said is what you deserves to. isn't it? so don't be proud of yourself by throwing judgments to other people just for the sake of your satisfies. it is not interesting, ty :)

mood

as you know, currently i am busy with lotsa homeworks, so do training and extra classes. it is tiring somehow. but what do i do, that's life. & yes, my mood swings lately, sometimes i do get angry, i do cry, i do missing someone, i don't have moods. sorry for that. and sometimes i can't even laugh & yes faking a smile haha sorry :D i didn't mean to, but i am really tired. & yes, problems are everywhere. it makes me being sombong sometimes. dengan muka tak pernah nak senyum, gelak dgn certain orang je. really sorry guys. i try to be normal back & fix all things up back to normal so i'll have a good condition of life in these upcoming days & new stuffs. agak berat jugak, but well i am growing, need to learn more new things, facing problems by my own. hope everything will going fine after this ;)

school

so far it was fine, but busy with homeworks (for sure) anddd, training stuffs. so do meet new classmates of twenty-ten. so far they were okay. but i am missing my ex-classmates of two-oh-oh-nineeeee! not in the same class anymore, no sounds of their laughters, their jokes, but somehow, thank God we are still in the same school. but probably amalina's recess time is not the same like ours. pity her. besides, there are still friends that i am not that close like i used to with them like before. maybe they're busy.

anddd, yes, one by one leave, making a move. ada yang pindah whatsoever. miss them loads :( taktau bila lagi dapat jumpa, lepak sama, share everything lagi kan. but we'll see, kalau ada rezeki ada lah kan? i think that's all for now. i'll write again soon, thank you for reading ;)



*by the way, i am currently busy so a bit late posting blog. so, sorry :D

Goodbye 2009, hello 2010

it is already 2010? oh myyyyy -.- i still can't face the fact yet & i still can't let 2009 go. but there are things that happened in 2009 that i really really want to throw it away. well, shit happened -__-'

*skip*

*skip*

started with handball, camps & all.

handball - the time where i met Kak Shikin, right? hm i am missing those things too much! :(

camps - our relationships getting stronger & stronger, plus the time where we met more & more seniors. i am missing this moment very much too :(


whatever it is, 2009 is over, here comes 2010. hoping that this year would bring lotsa happiness & joyful moments. but, all the memories in 2009 will never be replaced or forgotten. fullstop!

BBQ at shikinTJ's

It was on the 31st of December 2009, papa dropped me, lina & mok infront of Melati & we walked towards Kak Shikin's house. & yes Mangga was over there. eating alone while waiting for Kak Shikin to finished bathing.

*Skip crap things*


& around 8.30 something plenty of peoples came & joined the BBQ. Pejal, Tasha, Puri, Ony, Haziqah, Don, Kak Azmira, Sheikh, Feeqo, Shameer, Dayat, Luqman, AxrnTorres & bla bla & so do form2 kids. we gathered together for the last time before Kak Shikin is leaving. haih :( it sucks. no matter how, we do still have to keep in touch. I LOVE YOU, I REALLY REALLY DO. THANKS FOR EVERY SINGLE THING, KAKAK.

-Ailin, adik :(

lain

i am really missing the good old days with you. tapi semuanya dah berubah. semua orang berubah. contact memang contact tapi macam taknak je. caring memang caring tapi macam tak ikhlas. ada yang macam tak pernah kenal. ada yang dah lost contact. ada yang lupa member. ada member baru lupa yang lama. macam tak pernah berkawan -.- hm entah lah

cerita

ya, kali ini dalam bahasa melayu. jangan banyak tanya, baca sahaja, akan faham nanti.


memang aku tidak tahu banyak pasal kau dan aku hanya akan bercakap apa yang aku tahu mengenai 'kita'. aku tahu aku banyak sakitkan hati kau, terlalu banyak salah aku pada kau dan aku minta maaf. bukan aku tidak mahu menemani kau di saat kau amat memerlukan aku untuk bersama dengan kau tetapi aku tidak boleh. aku bukanlah seperti kawan perempuan kau yang lain yang bebas untuk keluar setiap masa, aku minta maaf.

hari itu, aku tidak datang cari kau adalah kerana kau telah membuang aku dari hidup kau dan pergi membiarkan aku dan terus pergi tanpa meninggalkan sebarang berita. aku sakit, kau tak pernah tahu. selama kau pergi, terlalu banyak perkara yang aku terpaksa tempuhi seorang diri walau pada saat itu aku amat memerlukan kau. aku tidak akan menghubungi atau menghantar sebarang pesan pada kau pada masa itu kerana aku tahu kau tidak akan pernah ambil kisah dan aku hanya akan merosakkan kebahagiaan kau. jadi aku biarkan kau bahagia dan terus bahagia. dan sejak daripada itu, aku sedar yang aku tidak boleh mengharapkan sesiapa lagi untuk terus berdiri kalau tidak hanya diri sendiri. setelah sekian lama kau menghilang, aku makin sakit. tetapi aku tahu aku harus lebih tabah dan kawan-kawan setia menemani dan memberi semangat kepada aku. ya, aku makin tabah sehingga kini tanpa kau disisi. setelah berkali-kali jatuh bersama yang dahulu. aku rasa kau tahu. walau kau kembali, walau kau bukan yang dahulu, aku mengerti. maafkan aku kerana menyakiti kau selama kau berada bersama aku dahulu.

ikhlas,
ailin

YOU

i don't know what's happening right now. everything's not under control. even if i beg you not to leave, there's no meaning & maybe it is time for me to go. i didn't meant to do this but i have to. i wrote this for the last time, & i know you wouldn't read it. i am really sorry for what i've done wrong to you, my words, my acts & stuffs. and now i will leave & not going to disturb you anymore. thanks for our friendship, thanks for all the memories, thanks for all the acting, thanks for all the dramas, thanks for everything. take a good care of yourself. you're already happy right now & hope that you'll always be happy. i don't have much words left to say, so enjoy your life & take care again ;)

sincerely,
Ailin :)

I have to..

Okay now i am here to just seek for your forgiveness if there's anything i did wrong or my words that might hurt you, I AM SORRY. & now, i just don't know what to do, what's going to happens next. i try to treat people nicely & equally but i don't know why is all this happened to me. maybe i am giving too many chances -.-

i think all this while i am in the wrong place of placing myself perfectly around others,
until they all get mess-up
i am in the wrong position of making people's day, not in the right time,
i am too forcing someone to be by my side,
i am too harsh of treating people,
i treat people by my mood,
i don't treat them nicely,
i don't think before i act,
sometimes i make others feel so uncomfortable,
i said what i want, i do what i want until i forget about taking care of what others might feel,
i didn't mean to. I AM SORRY.

if to you i did nothing, or you have already forget about it, but i am still wrong.
i am sorry about making you sad,
i am sorry about making you angry,
i am sorry about making your days bad,
i am sorry if i did take advantages on you,
i am sorry for letting you down in any ways which i didn't realized,
i am sorry for being stupid,
i am sorry for not being a good friend of yours,
i am sorry i can't be a perfect person of yours,
i did a lot of mistakes,
i know.

& i think, now, it is time for me to change, change everything,
i have to fix all the mess up that is me,
i have to learn from my past,
i have to take this as a lesson,
i really have to change, yes, it is the time :)


*& for _____ who did ask me to throw away any feelings towards you (well you know -.-) , don't worry, I WILL :) i know you might feel uncomfortable with me, or i am just making a mess in your life, I AM SO SO SORRY, i didn't mean to but i'll leave you, i'll sets you free, you can do what you want, you can go where you want, it is your life isn't it? don't worry :)
well, it is my mistakes for loving you, SORRY AGAIN. have a wonderful day, take care ;)

end '09

I am still not ready to leave this year, 2009. & if possible, i don't want this year to end, i don't want this year to go, i want to re-start this year, may i? *sigh* I have been through a lot of things in this year, taught me a lot of new things, about how to choose a good better friends ever, how to differentiate between good & bad, how to be more independent, more mature without thinking about others might said. but in this situation, i am still don't know what am i did wrong because people never stop talking bad about me, about who am i being friends with. but i don't care about what they will say or might just accusing me without knowing anything, well that's we call 'mulut orang' -.-

People loveeeeee to judge other people, meanwhile they don't even know what they did, what they said that might just letting other people or even us put a judge back on them. well, let's just put this aside. this topic is just boring & lame somehow HA-HA.

Okay so, in this year, i admit that i am a bit wilder than before, but i am still know how to control myself & not getting involve in such things that i did before or maybe just more bad. *i hope not! well i think you don't have to know HAHA :P hm i don't know how am i getting to stand on my own feet, leading my own life without someone that i can rely on, best friends beside me, standing tall together, been through good & bad moments together, i mean, they are just so nice to me. i don't know how to repay back all their kindness towards me. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FRIENDS :) i don't even want to lose them. friends are hard to find, maybe it is easy for you to say, but for me, true friends are really hard to find, really hard to replace. even ONE -.-'
but i need to realize that takkan forever aku nak bergantung hidup dengan orang kan? but let's just give me some time, some space to move on & facing all things in my life that will coming to show up.

maybe some other day, perhaps. but i think not now, for sure ;) i really need someone to rely on right now. i am not ready at all :) sorry

thank you for reading this boring blog -____-' byeee